"♪♫ CH CH CHANGES ♪♫" I heard the weather guy say those words this morning and immediately I was taken back to a moment when I driving my racing Camaro to work with a bottle of Wild Turkey under the seat. I don't have many memories from a huge seizure in 2006. And, the ones that come back are tough, usually. This one is mixed. Because, though. I used to drink and do all the other drugs, I always knew there was more to life. Even as a little girl. Things and people would affect me so strangely and deep. I never felt like a child. As I got older, I had sort of a double life. Worked hard, straight A student! Very tough, but very alone. Just had this gut feeling there was more. Which is when I would grab the bottle of pills or booze or the coke cuz fhe pot just made me too lazy and more depressed. I already smoked cigs, so smoking was a pain and tiring. So, I say all this for me. And, not to judge anyone else. It is, and always has been, each one of our own responsibility to answer for our own life before Our maker. Course I didn't know him, then. I do now. Now, when I am on my porch thinking like in this photograph, I look in and around and don't keep things bottled up! Literally! PIMP LOL. I take it to God. I still don't get a lot of stuff. But. I know who to ask. And, I know someday I will. I still work hard and love learning and racing and singing, but i don't have to be bottled up, if you know what I mean, to enjoy. I can let it all out. Pour it out. In a diff way. So glad not to have to get loaded. Easy? Um.. that's a loaded question. You know the answer. So, I don't mind a Ziggy Stardust Changes song memory now and then and singing ♪♫ ch ch changes ♪♫, though it does bring me to tears of both pain and joy, because I have ch ch changed. And, I am. Ch ch changing. And, just to show you change keeps on, I will share one more thing. We all have times of failing and in need of more ch ch changes. I had major lifesaving surgery to remove most of my stomach and brain nerves and much more. I got totally addicted to all the meds they had me on to live. Til i wasn't living anymore. I couldn't feel God anymore. I felt dark and hollow. So, with no money left (sold everything we had and used antiques and life savings to pay for a lot of it) and no places would take me with no stomach and poor health, I went thru months of bad withdrawals and fighting to live. Still do, everyday. Sometimes I hate changes, but mostly I ch ch choose to ch ch change with them. With His help. He made us so cool with memories and songs to take us there. Yes. I will keep singing. Keep living. I ch ch choose that. Thanks for being part of my living. The reason I share some things about my life? So, you can have hope like I needed. We can ch ch change. And we are not alone. I am so very thankful. So very... And, the thing is? I feel more like a child as I grow up and change. Signed, Change Feels Strange

Leave a comment

Add comment